Co-dependent Dreamer
Once there was a bearded man,who said this thing to me:
That I sought love just for myself,
from those that I could see;
I learned to help all those around,
twas my identity,
So they would love me in a way
that I did not, you see;
"Accept me" is a form of want,
we have from deep inside,
believing we're not lovable,
some grievous sin does hide;
"Placate to all", was what I learned
so I'd get what I need:
attention and a place on stage
so that I could be seen;
It started when I was a child,
I felt unloved, alone,
So filled my lack with smiles to those
Who felt themselves more grown;
Responding to my smiles they did,
They felt "loved", from outside,
Outside themselves saw "innocence",
their child inside denied;
And I responded to their grins,
-a bargain made for fools,
and then believed that I could win
their love, for gold of fools;
My "fools gold" was my emptiness,
I sold to them who bought,
pretending that I loved them,
but wanted what they've got;
Responding to my smiles of want,
They too did smile right back,
And I thought that they loved me,
For tis love that seemed to lack;
At least that was the little thought
the little child did have,
an error small, behind a smile
how'd this become so grave;
For now I am dependant,
on everyone around,
and am not happy unless they
attend to me profound;
And if they don't I look for
the less fortuned than me,
so I can help them grow as tall
as my ego's to me;
For if I help them, I am good,
(the ego says to me)
And if I'm not then they do think
that I am good you see;
A bargain made in heaven,
a barter game, you see,
I give you nothing and returned
you give me love for me;
And others too, they do the same,
pretend to love and yet,
if no return on money spent
then hell to them beget;
Our innocence is lost this way,
and guilt comes takes it's place
for in our heart we know we give
"nothing for love" -disgrace;
So co-dependant now we are
I give nothing to you,
and you return the favor by
an empty smile so blue;
For Love is nowhere near the mind
that thinks from emptiness,
when loss is what controls us,
and when want is "helpfulness";
So laugh with me a moment,
at our calamity,
for dreams are what they are on stage,
But God has made us free.